Your Nervous System is Not Broken: It’s Just Trying to Keep You Safe
If you’ve ever felt like your body is betraying you—that your anxiety is a personal failure or your exhaustion is just laziness—I want you to stop right there.
The truth is, your body is doing exactly what it was designed to do: keep you alive. Every racing heart, every moment of numbness, every sudden urge to run is a message from your Autonomic Nervous System (ANS), which is constantly working behind the scenes to ensure your survival.
Understanding this is the single most powerful shift you can make in your healing journey. It moves you from fighting your body to befriending it. This is how you reclaim your inner wisdom and navigate the complexity of life with compassion.
I use the science of the ANS and Polyvagal Theory to help my clients in Burlington and Oakville learn to gently influence their internal states. Let’s use a metaphor that honors the protective role of each state: The Three Protectors.
The Three Protectors: Specialized Roles for Survival
Your nervous system has a hierarchy of three states, each designed to be the perfect response to a specific level of perceived threat. They are not "good" or "bad"; they are just different modes of operation.
1. The Host: Connection & Calm (Ventral Vagal)
This is your optimal state. It’s the mode of connection, curiosity, and rest. When this protector is online, you are safe, social, and open to the world.
Protective Purpose: To Connect & Thrive. Ensures survival through community, learning, and rest.
Feelings: Calm, curious, connected, compassionate, playful.
Sensations: Warm skin, deep and steady breath, relaxed muscles, open chest.
Thought Patterns: "I am safe," "I can handle this," "I wonder why…," "We are stronger together."
Relational Patterns: Open to eye contact, empathetic, able to co-regulate with others.
2. The Warrior: Action & Mobilization (Sympathetic)
When a threat is perceived (a deadline, a conflict, a sudden noise), The Warrior steps up. This protector is designed to give you the energy to fight or flee. It’s a brilliant, high-octane survival response.
Protective Purpose: To Fight or Flee. Ensures survival through rapid, high-energy action.
Feelings: Anxious, angry, panicked, frustrated, overwhelmed.
Sensations: Racing heart, shallow breath, tight jaw/shoulders, cold hands, adrenaline rush.
Thought Patterns: "I have to get out," "It's not fair," "Hurry up!," "I must fix this now."
Relational Patterns: Defensive, argumentative, seeing others as obstacles or threats.
3. The Opossum: Conservation & Numbness (Dorsal Vagal)
If The Warrior's efforts fail, or the threat is inescapable, The Opossum takes over. This protector is the ultimate emergency brake, designed to conserve energy and numb pain by shutting down the system. It’s the "play dead" response.
Protective Purpose: To Conserve & Numb. Ensures survival by making you invisible and reducing pain.
Feelings: Numb, hopeless, depressed, shameful, "checked out," flat.
Sensations: Heavy limbs, cold skin, low energy, "foggy" head, reduced pain sensitivity.
Thought Patterns: "I can't do this," "It doesn't matter," "I'm invisible," "Just leave me alone."
Relational Patterns: Withdrawn, disconnected, unable to make eye contact, feeling unreachable.
Influence, Not Control: Befriending Your Protectors
Here is the key: You cannot control which protector is online. Your nervous system makes that decision for you based on its assessment of safety (neuroception).
However, you can absolutely influence it. This is the heart of nervous system regulation.
My work is about teaching you to recognize which protector is active and then sending it a clear, compassionate message of safety. This is where the blend of science and ancient practice (like yoga and mindful breathing) is so powerful.
When The Warrior is Active (Anxious, Panicked)…
Try This Compassionate Response: "Thank you for trying to keep me safe. I appreciate your energy. I am safe right now."
Try This Influence Technique: Long, Slow Exhale: Signals safety to the vagus nerve, calming the Warrior.
When the The Opossum is Active (Numb, Shut Down)…
Try This Compassionate Response: "Thank you for conserving my energy. I see you. I need a little energy now."
Try This Influence Technique: Gentle movement like rocking, stretching, or a brisk walk to gently wake up the system.
If you’re ready to stop fighting your anxiety and start working with your body’s brilliant design, I offer nervous system regulation therapy in Burlington and Oakville. I can help you learn the language of your protectors and gently guide yourself back to you.
Ready for a calm body and quiet mind?
